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a Real Otaku

Posted 07-08-2008 at 01:29 PM by edderX

Otaku

Meaning

otaku (Japanese: 糞便の巨大な固まり plural: "otaki" lit:"dungeon troll") are smelly, furry, plump creatures that are usually found in their natural habitats: their own mother's basements or in their dark rooms where the only sources of light are the bright glow of their computers or television. The word 'otaku weeaboo' is commonly mistaken by stupid Americans to mean "lovingly devoted", but means in Japanese "scary, pale, sociophobic pedophile". No matter what race they originate from, otaku weeaboo quickly become white due to lack of sun from watching anime or surfing Gaia Online all day(see vampires). They sit in their parents' basement or room all day, watching Japanese cartoons called anime. This often involves tentacle rape of women with blue hair. An angered otaku weeaboo spits acidic venom, however, this rarely happens, as otaku weeaboo do not spend much time around anyone who annoys them. The last documented case was the Boston Massacre. All otaku weeaboo are actually male, despite their outward physical appearance, which is nothing special. Their choice of food is chocolate cornets, the droppings of Pikachus.

Whilst otaku weeaboo may seem to converse in Pseudo-Japanese, they are in fact talking in a nonsensical stream of mindless babble which means nothing in any language. This lack of ability to any language offends all other cultures and civilisations. Specifically angered are Japanese Language students, who (after spending years of diligent study to converse in Japan's native language) are angered to the point of distraction by otaku weeaboo-ese speakers.

bed of a Otaku

Appearance

The common otaku weeaboo is seen, usually, wearing a T-shirt of a classic anime, or one that still hasn't made it to American shores (Like Dragon Ball or Samurai X). They are also usually seen with messenger bags, embellished with anime logos, like Full Metal Alchemist, which are usually bought at Hot Topic. These bags are adorned with pins and key chains which are supposed to represent their personalities and interests without actual need for socialization. Most of them wear glasses for all their time spent playing video games, and those that don't, just buy them to upkeep the appearance. Sometimes, otaku weeaboos may even cosplay when not intended in the style of their most favorite anime (This has been seen more often thanks to Naruto and Hot Topic). In terms of footwear, even though in the old days, most otaku weeaboos were seen wearing sport foot wear, these days it is more common to see them wearing Converse or Vans footwear.

Controversy

There is controversy that otaku weeaboo actually have two genders instead of one: Male and Female. Female otaku weeaboo are usually believed to be adorned with black clothing which they usually purchase from Hot Gothic. They like to take two or more men that look like women from an anime or manga and write fanfiction and produce fanart of them having intercourse [1]; this is also sometimes referred to as yaoi.

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Religious Customs[/b]

The otaku weeaboo God is the Hermaphroditic Rei Ayanami from the anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion. They worship their god by writing poetry and producing fanart for this creature. It is also customary to don her dress at anime conventions.

The otaku weeaboo also believe that Japan is a magical place, a land of Milk and creepy animated porn because anime has orginated from here. They believe that the Japanese are a magical, mythical people and that all Japanese people are hot. Some otaku weeaboos go as far as considering Japan the place that God sealed from Adam and Eve once the original sin was committed, which some people later on started to call Eden.